Watching Readers Leave Your Blog Behind

Sunday, January 14, 2018
Watching Readers Leave Your Blog Behind

As you may have noticed, I kinda disappeared from Quartzfeather for a good three months, and while I've told you part of the reason why (school stole my free time), I still haven't disclosed the major cause. This is something I've been struggling with for quite a while, though I never addressed it because it just felt so selfish and petty, but I feel like it's finally time to share.

In the last year, I've seen a lot of readers disappear from Quartzfeather.

These were people I considered myself relativity close to in the book blogging world, but then one by one they just disappeared. I definitely don't blame them for leaving, after all they have no obligation to me or my blog, but nevertheless, it hurt to see them go.

It left me feeling so isolated and useless.

I felt like I was doing everything wrong and I just couldn't seem to figure out how to do blogging right. I lost the motivation to write and I lost the motivation to post, I just wanted things to return to how they were before. But at the same time, I felt so silly for caring about my changing readership, and so terribly selfish for holding it against the people who left.

Blogging just lost its shine for me, and I hated that.

A part of me still desperately loved book blogging, but another just didn't. I suppose it's a good thing sophomore year started when it did. School and the work that came along with it, allowed me to tell myself that I just didn't have the time to blog anymore. It allowed me to conveniently ignore the other reason I stopped, to ignore the petty hurt feelings I had. And while I ignored them, they healed just enough for me to start missing blogging.

Sometimes I still feel like begging those people to tell me what I did wrong, why I drove them off,

but accepting how I felt and how I still feel now, instead of trying to suppress and hide the hurt, has been so refreshing. Writing this post was hard, and I suspect publishing it will be even harder, because I still feel so terribly childish and guilty, but nevertheless, I feel like I needed to stop ignoring my feelings to move on.

Have any of you experienced something similar? How do you cope?